What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
