Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
