I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
