i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
