dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
