Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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