I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
