The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
