alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
