just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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