if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize