"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
