its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
