belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
