I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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