can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
