Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
