What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
