Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
