what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
