felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize