Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
