We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
