apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I didn't notice because vodka
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
