she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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