the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
