Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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