Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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