I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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