Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
