Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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