Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
