Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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