How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
