Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So much rum. So many feels.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
