Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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