with your own penis?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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