My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
