god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
