Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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