That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
