I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
