he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
