I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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