five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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