I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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