My room smells like vodka and shame
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize