dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
