but the lizard people decide everything anyway
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
