Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
