Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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