i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
