you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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