Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
