I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
