Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
