Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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