you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
