is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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