I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
