There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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