I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
