Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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