Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
