Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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